McCain Sucks, Palin Sucks = No Bush left behind

Send in the clowns, quips from late night politics

Posted on: October 12, 2008

David Letterman, on ‘Late Show with David Letterman,’ Oct. 8

“Did you watch the debate last night? I gave up drinking a while ago, but I started again, and I’m watching the debate last night, and I did a shot every time John McCain said, ‘my friends,’ and so I am just blotto.”

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Jay Leno, on ‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,’ Oct. 8

“Boy, that was dull, wasn’t it? Oh, my God. I guess this time they went with the town hall format. They use that because they say it demonstrates the next president’s ability to think and talk at the same time, or as President Bush calls that, ‘showing off.’”

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Stephen Colbert, on ‘The Colbert Report,’ Oct. 6

“Nation, what a debate last Thursday! Both candidates surpassed expectations. Sarah Palin proved she could speak, and Joe Biden proved he could stop speaking.”

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Bill Maher, on ‘Real Time with Bill Maher,’ Oct. 3

“The big headline today is that [Palin] exceeded expectations, which is like saying Andy Dick only drank half a bottle of Woolite.”

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Conan O’Brien, on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien,’ Oct. 8

“ Larry Flynt announced he’s making a porn movie with a Sarah Palin look-alike. John McCain called the idea offensive. Barack Obama called it inappropriate. Bill Clinton said he’ll reserve judgment until he sees the film.”

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Seth Meyers, on Thursday night’s ‘SNL’ special, Oct. 9

“As stocks dropped sharply Monday, President Bush urged patience with the government’s new $700-billion plan, saying it’s going to take a while. The good news is, he’s never been right.”

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Craig Ferguson, on ‘Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson,’ Oct. 9

“At a concert last week [ Madonna] said she was going to kick Sarah Palin’s ass. I’m thinking I’d quite like to see that. That’s going to be a sexy little underpants pillow fight. Like Madonna tries to poke out the eyes with her pointy cone bra and Palin’s well-protected with the naughty librarian glasses. Get out of my dreams and into my shiny-floored studio. But Madonna and Sarah Palin are very different, of course. One is a dangerously insane celebrity who has no business discussing politics and the other one is Madonna, so right there…”

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Michelle Obama and Jon Stewart, on ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,’ Oct. 8

Michelle Obama (asked about reading negative press): “You know I’ve stopped reading and watching a lot of stuff –”
Jon Stewart: “– so you’re a lot like Sarah Palin.”

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Amy Poehler, on Thursday night’s ‘SNL’ special, Oct. 9

“The second presidential debate was held Tuesday night, and the town hall format featured an audience comprised of a diverse cross-section of eighty undecided bald dudes.”

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