McCain Sucks, Palin Sucks = No Bush left behind

Posts Tagged ‘red states

Oh, those Mormons. They practically financed all the anti gay marriage initiatives but they love their porn. You would think a man with six wives would not need porn.

The study was done by Harvard Business School.

“Residents of 27 states that passed laws banning gay marriages boasted 11% more porn subscribers than states that don’t explicitly restrict gay marriage. ”

Best of all Jay Leno cannot forget about Senator Larry Craig’s men’s room lewd conduct arrest in 2007. Senator Craig was from Idaho, another mean red state.

Largely ignored as not one of the battle states between the reds and the blues, Arizonans have been not so quietly rallying around Obama-Biden.

IT WOULD BE SO DAMN COOL IF ARIZONA  VOTED BLUE!

In the meantime read what the pollsters are saying. Right now McCain has a 3 percent lead over Obama in Arizona!  At the end of September, McCain had a 21 percent lead. Geez, where did all his momentum go?

Now it’s a 2 percent lead…with a 3 percent margin of error.

Maybe Alaska will vote blue too!

Dear Red States,

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of New California .

To sum up briefly: You get Alaska, Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty . You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get txcybercom. We get Joe Biden, you get Sarah Palin.

We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 percent of America ‘s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the Red States pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that New California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals than progressives.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico .
Peace out,
The Blue States

Wow! I just read an article that says Obama is leading or leaning in the states that Bush won during the last election.

Of course, he is ahead by only a few points but still it’s hopeful for me.

According to the article, As a result of the new survey, CNN now considers New Hampshire and Wisconsin to be Obama-leaning states, after previously being considered toss-ups. North Carolina is now considered a toss-up, after previously being categorized as a McCain-leaning state.

That gives me hope.